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Making memories

-Arati Gurung

Two of my best friends are pregnant, another one recently had a baby girl and the other one is getting married next month. Being the best of friends, it’s a lot of excitement to take in all at once but somewhere deep inside me I can’t help but feel a little sad.

We’ve been the closest of friends for over 15 years and together we’ve passed them as young careless teenagers growing into responsible young women. From boys, to exams to jobs and fashion, every time we get together, what we talk about changes with time. And lately the topic of conversation mostly revolves around husbands, in-laws and ofcourse babies: all of which I have yet to have.

The sadness isn’t because I’m the only one in the group left to experience all of it, what saddens me is the fact that the times we’ve had together will never be the same. Like the fact that once we all began serious relationships with our boyfriends, we stopped talking about other men! Laugh as you may but as much as I really am not interested in other men anymore, I sort of miss the conversations the girls and I used to have. Gobbling up on hot ‘titaura’ in class behind the teacher’s back and giggling over things that today don’t make sense to me at all, are just some of the things that make me feel bad about growing up. For I know things like that will not be the same even if we try it today.

Yes, it’s all a part of growing up, but the thing is, as excited as we were on completing our SLC’s or getting a new job, the idea of us all starting our own new families scares me a bit. Call me commitment phobic or whatever they call it these days but as much as I want to settle down, I’m equally afraid of what time will never bring back. It’ll never bring back the innocence of being a child, the aloofness of a teenager and the recklessness of young blood.

It’s the fact of life, I’m aware I can’t hold back everything I love or cheat time into keeping everything the way I like it.

As I watch my best friend try to decide between the maroon red and the blood red sari, I stand beside her and try to keep my eyes dry, the wedding preparations have got me emotional. I’m a part of each of all my best friends’ journeys and I recognize that these are tears of joy. She throws me a glaring pink sari and teases me to wear it on my own wedding, ‘it’s your favorite color isn’t it!’ and we get into fits of laughter. I am aware moments like these might never come back again, atleast not with the same free attitude as of now. It could be because of new responsibilities, of different situations or even distance; who knows there could be a thousand new reasons.

Time maybe what I’m blaming everything on from the beginning of this article, but I have to admit it’s also what has made me realize things that I would have earlier only taken for granted. Be it with friends or family, my focus now is on trying to make the most of my time with the ones I love. I know I can’t keep things as they are but I can keep memories, and if there’s any sure way to make more beautiful moments for the future, it’s by making the most of ‘now’. Time may not bring back those loved years but it will definitely bring me much more; the sensibility in being an adult, the patience and understanding of a woman and someday even the wonder of being a mom. 

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