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Bust a First Move!

How to be the initiator

Whether you're looking for a relationship or a one night stand, you're not going to get anywhere if you don't make a move! This can seem daunting - especially if you're an old fashioned kind of romantic waiting for your fairytale moment - but what seems to be lost on women at times is how much power they actually have, while men may not know when to stop dreaming and just do it. Well, junior high is over, you don't have to stand at the opposite end of the room staring, waiting and hoping. Take action and bust a first move!

Remember, the worst that can happen is that they say no. Which more often than not is not the crisis situation you may imagine. No one is judging you but yourself - and if your paramour does say no, they probably weren't worth it anyway.

Chatting it up
You're at a bar and you've spied a cutie down at the other end. You may flirt for a while with your eyes, but after a while you realize that neither of you is doing anything more. A lot of times women take this as the man not being interested in her - which can be true - but sometimes the guy is just nervous and unsure of himself. If he seems like someone worth talking to, do just that - go talk to him. You don't have to open with any stupid embarrassing lines, start simply by standing next to him to order a drink. Make small talk - compliment his watch, shoes, hair, scent, anything!

The same is true for women. Men don't need to come on too strong - you can leave your fancy car and bank account at the door - just be yourself and start with a simple hello. You may feel a lot of pressure to make a good first impression, but if you look at it like you're making a new friend you allow things to progress naturally. Remember, this is not limited to the bar scene - whether you're at Barnes and Noble, Trader Joe's or Starbucks don't be afraid to say hello to someone who appeals to you. What have you got to lose?

Getting to first base
So maybe it's not the conversation that's got you all up in a tiff, you're probably well nuanced in human interaction. But how do you make the transition from friendly small talk to a kiss that says, "Baby I'm yours?" If it's your first time meeting and you're just looking for a bit of fun, gage the situation. If your time together has thus far been marked by extreme flirtation - body language, sex talk etc. - just go for it.

Most women don't realize that men may get quite turned on by an assertive, confident woman. And guys, if someone is making a point to stay close to you, touching you, playing with her hair, she's probably waiting for you to make the move. But if this seems too daunting, a quick fix is simply asking, "Would it be alright if I kissed you?" That way you're a gentleman and a lover.

Conversely, if the object of your heart's desire is someone you're seriously interested in dating and you've shared a few meetings, assess the situation. The best gage of affection, again, is their body language. The same rules apply - don't obsess and second guess yourself, their wanting to be with you shows they care.

A kiss is not a contract
Once you get past the pressure of a kiss, unless you're in the drunken throes of passion, the most difficult portion of your mission is now upon you. When is the right time to initiate sex? You don't want to move too fast, but you don't want to wait too long either. Quite the quandary. Well, there is no general checklist or consensus when broaching such a sensitive topic - everyone is different. If you're looking for a one night stand, the old "want to get out of here," works well. A sexier phrase does not exist in the human language. However, if you've been dating a bit, the waters are a little more murky. When you feel ready, and get the same vibe from your partner, it might be time to suggest it in your next heavy make out session. Discussing this with your partner will give you both an idea of what you want out of your relationship.

Being the aggressor is hard work... but it doesn't have to be! Be comfortable with your confident, sexy self - you'll be surprised how well people respond. Fear of rejection should not be holding you back. When those thoughts start to go through your mind, simply shut them off and don't allow them in.

Remember, if you don't try, you'll never get anywhere. And on one final note, never ever take anything personally! If someone is not interested, the universe may be saving you a whole heap of heartache, so for every rejection, don't forget to be grateful for that, too. Good luck!

 

 
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