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How to Say No

When your heart says yes

Your eyes are swollen, almost shut, your nose is red and white streaks stain your cheeks where you've let the tears flow freely - because you didn't have the energy to wipe them. And for what? You're not done crying anyway!

Inside your heart beats out of habit, not from desire. The memories of happy times are torturous. You dare NOT to remember since the mere sight of him (or her) angers you, annoys you and most of all, hurts you! On some level, you wish he'd die, just stop breathing, because you can't understand how someone you loved so much could hurt you so deeply!

And then he utters those seemingly magical words, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Can we give this another chance?"

At this point, it's a great time for the heart and mind to have a serious discussion on the topic of survival.

People tend to think that just because 'love' is an emotion, it's all emotional. But that couldn't be more wrong! Love relationships require emotion, yes, but in order to love healthily, there has to be some logic taking place, too! In addition, both partners have to respect themselves and each other, have some flexibility (the ability to compromise), and exhibit trust, honesty, and maturity -- both in and out of their relationship!
So as you sit there confused over the recent chain of events, take a moment to reflect. Buy a roundtrip ticket down 'Memory Lane' and take a good, clear look at what brought about your current state of heartbreak and devastation. Invoke your mind and give your heart some rest -- after all, it's been working overtime - then analyze both your actions and those of the person in question, and acknowledge both of your reactions, too.
Though an expression of remorse is powerful when it's sincere, the words 'I'm sorry' are powerless when uttered solely to move forward (in other words without true feeling behind them just to avoid continued conflict). People are often quick to apologize just to get through rough spots, but they become paralyzed when life calls upon them to be held accountable for their actions, never mind to change. So how do you tell the difference?

Enter self-respect

It is at this time that you must stand in honor of your Self. As this person (whom you love) expresses remorse, take into consideration the source of the apology, the intent flowing throughout it, and the reason it needed to be given in the first place. As the heart sleeps, the mind is remembering, assessing, analyzing, understanding, resolving and finally, drawing a conclusion. I can't tell you when to say "Yes" or "No" to a second chance. But I can remind you that unless the both of you are able to start anew - not 'start over' or 'begin again' - start anew, which means not drudging up the past (because there isn't one weighing on your minds), you're in for a tough road. You have a lot of things to consider.

Before saying yes to another try, you have to be sure in your mind, independent of your heart, that the mistakes made were actual mistakes and not just called that because they were revealed to you. You have to be sure in your mind, independent of your heart, that lessons were learned on both parts, with accountability being owned up to respectively. You have to be sure in your mind, independent of your heart, that you have the strength to move forward with this individual, regardless of the possibility that this could be the beginning of the end. And you have to be sure in your mind, independent of your heart, that this decision you're making is for your Highest Good -- and not borne of the desire for temporary solace for your aching heart.

Then, whichever path you choose, you can grow from this point on…

 

 
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