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Unintentionally Hilarious Press Release of the Week

And to think, all this time you could have been helping charity...

The Seventh Annual Masturbate-a-Thon Comes to San Francisco

May 3, 2007: San Francisco, CA - The Center for Sex and Culture, the only publicly available, non-profit sex education center in the United States, is proud to announce the Seventh Annual Masturbate-a-Thon, Saturday, May 26th in San Francisco, in honor of National Masturbation Month. [Can we get a Hallmark card for this?] Founded in 2000, the star-studded Masturbate-a-Thon is like a walk-a-thon but a lot more fun [and a lot more exhausting]. Through individual sponsorships, participants generate revenue in this live group event for every minute they masturbate or for each orgasm claimed...

Since its first year, Masturbate-a-Thons have raised over $25,000.00 from over 1,700 pledged participants from six different countries. Trophies were awarded to stand-out [stand-up?] participants and in 2006 participants for Longest Time Spent Masturbating (Male: 8.5 hours and Female: 6.5 hours), and Most Orgasms (Male: 6 and Female: 49). For 2007, a new record category has been established: Greatest Ejaculation Distance...

Separate areas of the Masturbate-a-Thon site spaces will be set aside for both mixed and single-gender groups... This year the event will feature a news commentary desk [so that's where Dan Rather ended up], commercials by and for masturbators [I'm betting Nair for Palms is a top-tier sponsor], an opera singer [it ain't over 'til she sings], and themed masturbation stages and sets for men and women. [Rub one out during the Renaissance!] In addition to the music, there will also be a video area where spectators can catch the action [I really hope that was just a bad, unintentional pun] as it unfolds on the live video stream.

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